bitstormer

As you have seen the film, i just cut straight to the chase.. There is an emotion hindering chemical used in the film know as "Prozium". There are times recently where i wish i could have a supply.. So i can truely switch off. Why would i be thinking like this you may think.. well to be honest.. the majority of the time; i analyse routes and options everytime with precision when it comes to me making a choice! I map it all in my head very quickly.. So why the Prozium? (if there was such a thing), so i can get on with life without having emotions in the way.. I haven't got room for emotions in my current state of mind.

I'm i really here? could i care less if i was or not? In this empty existence called "my life". Its coming to the point where i'm thinking i just want to disappear and never come back, to leave everything that i know in an attempt to search for the things which i long for.. but what would i find out there which i can already find here. .. There's only a few things left which keep me here, but i'll summise that these things will fade away into the dark,just like everything else.

Today.. I am feeling better of sorts.. not complete.. better than before. Thoughts still running rampant in my mind trying to find meaning amoungst the chaos. Trying to answer everything which is there; making my head hurt even more. It has never been easy for me to relax, ever. Always tense, rigid like a rock where i should be like the sea, flowing yet peaceful....